Thursday, 4 March 2010


An inquiry is underway regarding the snatching of a young Sparrow from a garden in Larkfield yesterday. This is what Inspector Jack Daw of the "Flying Squad" had to say this morning.

"This was a particularly vicious attack on an innocent Sparrow in broad daylight, he was minding his own business and just eating his sunflower heart, peanut and fatball lunch when he was plucked from the feeder by an unidentified male Sparrowhawk, taken to the end of the garden and then plucked again. It's true what they say, there's no such thing as a Free Lunch!"

I asked a local Dunnock what his thoughts were about the incident and he said: "It's really unnerving, i've lived in this garden for some years now and this seems to be happening more and more since the "Free Lunches" were provided. I'm considering moving out and taking my wife and two girlfriends with me." Another resident with dark feathers and a bright orange bill who didn't want to be identified had this to say: "It's a shame really, there's usually an early warning system but maybe it didn't happen on this occasion, or maybe he just ignored it. I try to keep them on their toes by flying down the garden really fast and screeching and squawking every half an hour or so for no real reason, but they don't seem to take any notice now."

I tried to speak to the other Sparrows in the local flock but they were too upset to talk to me, except for one individual who said: " I knew him well, we grew up together, Chirpy little character he was, a bit argumentative but a real sociable chap, life and soul of the flock really, anyway got to go, it's lunch time and the feeders have just been filled again."

Below is a photo of the suspect taken just after the incident standing over the deceased. The advice from the "Flying Squad" is to stay alert and watch out for this character but don't approach him as he's armed and very hungry.............. and you too could become a Free Lunch.


Warren Baker said...

Sighting of alleged villain, in pittswood today. Several finch's and a Dove were chased and terrorised, but the maurauder left empty handed when a by passer chased it off - ME!!

:-) :_) :-)

Forest the Bear said...

What is the world coming to when a Sparrow can't eat its fatball in peace!? I blame the migrants, taking our perches, stealing our lime light...oh dear,oh dear!!

Great post Phil...made me smile! :o)

alan roman said...

Brilliant. You are wasted watching birds. You should be a writer.

Greenie said...

Phil ,
May I suggest that you take the tablets , that you obviously forgot this morning , and sit down in a darkened room .
When you awake , you can put your reporter's pad away , and things will be back to normal .

Sharon said...

Missed this yesterday - love it, made me laugh after a looong week!